Posts tagged ‘Attention Seeking Behavior’

July 23, 2012

College Dreams

I always dreamed I would storm through academia and stun the world. It seems silly to have thought it, but I wanted to be the big guy on campus. I wanted to be the genius or the holy man. Sainthood eluded me by just a tiny bit. I wasn’t recognized at school, or anywhere else for that matter. But I pressed on. If people did not see just how much of a genius I was, then the fault lied with them. Stay the course. One day’ll come the big break.

But the big break never came. Winter walked on by thrice, and summer shipped out to sea, and I was left, a college drop out, and a nobody. I recognize this part of life. It’s the part where I’m supposed to wise up. Get a job. Accept reality. “Get a job, ya bum!” They shout to the unwavering dreamer. I know this part, but I’m not going to stay on script. I’d rather die than live, if living means death as a nobody.

Perhaps that’s all that people really want out of life. Recognition, you see, is a powerful drug. What is existence without recognition? It’s not existence at all. Indeed, in order to be human being, one must be, first and foremost, a human remembered. Why else do so many books be written? All these pages, countless words, and all in search of eyes and ears to see and hear. Knowledge is the magic word that makes us draw near.

So now I’m faced with other problems. I don’t know where I’ll go, or if I’ll study at college again. The university is a special place, built for special people. The rank¬†amateur has no place in college dorms. He belongs on the¬†streetcorner, shouting his dreams at passing cars. The people inside need pay him no heed. He’s just a looney toone. But sometimes being the village crazy man does bring some perks. The people around you may ignore you, but by ignoring you they are paying you attention.

That’s the treat, you see? The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. But when people fear to speak, then silence turns to ecstasy. Such is life.

%d bloggers like this: